Is Spider-Man the Biggest Cuck in Comics? Mary Jane’s New Boyfriend Proves It.
Peter Parker’s ultimate nemesis isn’t the Green Goblin or Doc Ock—it’s a guy named Paul
Is Spider-Man the King of Cuck Mountain?
Let’s not mince words—Peter Parker’s current storyline is a dumpster fire wrapped in a web. Once the face of resilience and determination, he’s now the poster boy for tragic breakups and getting dunked on by Marvel’s latest plot device: Paul. Yes, Paul. The most generic, office-temp name Marvel could come up with.
How did we get here? Let’s recap.
Who Even Is Paul?
Paul, for the uninitiated, debuted in Amazing Spider-Man #1 (2022) as Mary Jane Watson’s new boyfriend. Not just a boyfriend, mind you—a full-blown "partner," complete with two adopted kids from an alternate universe. Because when MJ moves on, she doesn’t just swipe right; she goes interdimensional.
At first, Paul was just a guy. Then Marvel decided to spice things up:
He’s the son of a villain.
He worked with said villain to destroy his home universe.
He now plays suburban dad on Earth-616.
Oh, and those kids MJ and Paul were raising? Turns out they weren’t real—they were some sort of cosmic GPS tracking device for the villain Rabin. When Rabin showed up, he Thanos-snapped them out of existence.
This raises two questions:
How does Mary Jane fall for a guy whose LinkedIn includes “destroyed universe, worked for bad dad”?
Why is Peter Parker tolerating this nonsense?
Peter Parker: The Sad Simp of Earth-616
Let’s talk about Peter. He’s been through a lot—Uncle Ben, Gwen Stacy, Aunt May’s health scares, every villain from the Green Goblin to Dr. Octopus. But none of that prepared him for…Paul.
Alternate Universe Time Warp: While Peter spent days on Earth-616 trying to get MJ back, she spent years playing house with Paul in another dimension. Four years to Peter’s few days. Imagine coming back to rescue your girlfriend and finding out she’s got a new dude, two kids, and no interest in rekindling the flame. Brutal.
MJ’s Rejection: When Peter heroically returned to save MJ, she basically said, “Thanks, but no thanks. I’ve got a new family now.”
The kicker? Peter can’t even be mad. Why? Because Paul helped save MJ in that alternate universe. Marvel’s writers have neutered Spider-Man, turning him into a passive observer in his own life.
Is Paul Marvel’s Biggest Self-Insert?
Let’s call it what it is: Paul feels like someone’s self-insert fanfiction gone horribly wrong. The kind of guy who shows up at trivia night and insists everyone’s pronouncing “gif” incorrectly. He’s boring, generic, and has somehow replaced one of Marvel’s most iconic relationships.
Here’s a fun fact: The writers even gave him kids—because nothing screams “this guy’s the real deal” like instant family credibility. Except, of course, those kids weren’t real. And now neither are Paul’s chances of being a character anyone remembers in five years.
Marvel’s War on Spider-Man
Why is Marvel doing this? Maybe it’s a sad attempt to humanize Peter by giving him L after L. Maybe it’s the misguided belief that fans want MJ to “move on.” Or maybe it’s just bad writing.
Peter Deserves Better: This is the same guy who took down the Sinister Six and survived literal cosmic-level threats. And now he’s getting outmaneuvered by a dude who probably uses the phrase “life hack.”
The Fans Deserve Better: Spider-Man fans didn’t sign up to watch their hero become the universe’s biggest cuckold. We want heart, action, and maybe a little redemption—not Paul.
What’s Next for Spider-Man?
If Marvel doesn’t course-correct, Peter Parker risks becoming the comic world’s equivalent of Ross from Friends: a sad, indecisive mess. Maybe they’ll redeem him. Maybe MJ will realize Paul is just another bad decision in a string of bad decisions (cough Jackpot cough).
Until then, we’re left with the question: Why does Spider-Man, one of the greatest heroes in comic history, keep losing to Paul?
Final Thought:
Is this really the Peter Parker we’ve been rooting for all these years? Or has Marvel traded one of its strongest characters for a never-ending soap opera of sadness?